I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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