either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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