Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
