dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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