Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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