i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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