so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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