i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
