she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
