Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
