So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Floor bacon is actually really good
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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