Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
