He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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