the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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