The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
false alarm. still invincible.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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