I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
