A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
