the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize