There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
