Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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