Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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