whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How does one acquire holy water?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
