I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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