At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
