I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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