I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
