Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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