I cannot find my penis.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
