Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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