i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
