I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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