bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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