i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
