Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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