my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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