How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She bit a glass in half.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
