OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
