have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
