You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
