it was like eating out sand paper
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
