How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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