i just wanna soil my oats bro
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
