I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
