Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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