you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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