went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
