You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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