I cannot find my penis.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
