I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
