i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
