Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
