Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
