the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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