about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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