o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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